How to keep the love alive in your marriage

With all the pressures of daily life working against you, it can be challenging to stoke the marital fire, but we’re here to help… Sabrina explains how to keep love alive in your marriage.

As a sex and relationships writer, the question I’m most frequently asked is, “How can I keep the spark alive in my marriage?” or some variant of that. Men might ask, “How do I get more sex?” and women might inquire, “How do I make my relationship more passionate?”, but at the end of the day everyone wants to know how to keep that fire burning.

But what is it exactly that we’re all after – sex, intimacy, passion or love? I believe all those concepts are so intimately linked that when you nourish one, the others will necessarily flourish.

Thankfully, there are a few very simple ways to keep the passion alive in your marriage. Start applying them today and you’ll soon feel like loved-up teenagers all over again.

Be affectionate

Show your partner you love him with little gestures – a compliment, an unexpected kiss or reaching out to take his hand. These small signs of affection tend to fall by the wayside in long-term relationships, but they really help to keep the intimacy and passion alive.

If you make an effort to be more affectionate, you’ll probably find that your partner will start doing the same, and you’ll feel a lot closer and more in tune with each other. And that will lead to more frequent and better sex. So you get more affection, love and sex – it’s win-win-win.

Do Date Night

When you’ve been with someone for a while, it’s easy to fall into the pattern of spending every night in front of the TV in your trackies and fluffy slippers. Even if it’s just once every couple of months, go out on a date like you did in the early days. Dress up nicely and go out for dinner, catch a movie, see a photography exhibit or go to the beach. Spending time together doing something fun will reignite the passion.

For a special occasion, spend the night in a hotel room or get away for an entire weekend. Turn off your phones, put the champagne on ice and fire up the spa. There’s nothing like getting away from routine and daily pressures to kick-start your sex drive.

Hang out

Date nights are great ways to reconnect, but they’re probably not going to happen every week, so set aside one evening a week or 10 minutes every day to just hang out. You might have a glass of wine and chat about your day when the kids are in bed or go for a walk together. It really doesn’t matter what you do as long as the TV is off, your phones are on silent and you’re focusing on each other.

If the kids interrupt you, say, “It’s Mum and Dad’s hang-out time; we’ll be done in 10 minutes.” That won’t make you bad parents. In fact, it will make you better parents because you’re taking the time to work on your relationship and be happier people who are good role models to their kids.

This is an edited excerpt of Sabrina Rogers-Anderson’s book, A Fantastic Sex Life… And How to Get It! Find out more at

What little things do you do to keep the spark going in your relationship?